


a spell of rest, a quiet breath

by chanberries



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, F/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, just me crying, thats literally it, to my choir music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24957421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanberries/pseuds/chanberries
Summary: Changmin comes into my room noting that I'm not okay while listening tomy old choir music.He offers me comfort in an uncomforting time and allows me to finally fall asleep.
Comments: 2





	a spell of rest, a quiet breath

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. Its been two weeks now since the last update of Take Me Home and my ability to write has come to a halt with my mental health. I have no creativity in me despite having a plotline, so instead, I'm offering you this fic I wrote two weeks ago that embodies how I am still feeling. I don't know exactly when Take Me Home will be updated again, but I thank you all for your patience with me and allowing me to take a small break to take care of myself. 
> 
> I'll write soon,  
> Chanberry

“Hey, you should come to the kitchen even though it’ll make you want to kill us! I can’t tell if it's better or worse than last week when-”  
I had moved my head to meet eyes with the familiar voice, starting loud from down the hallway but melting into the soft gentleness of the following question.  
“Are you alright?”  
I was sure at this point he had seen the glistening trail of a tear fall down my cheek. Please, let’s not get into the details, but it was inevitable. After holding things in for so long the soul snaps and the cup overflows. That was how I felt, and yet all I could do was nod. I was fine, or at least I would be.  
“Lying to me already?”  
“Changmin, you know I lie when I’m upset.”  
“Then tell me why you’re upset.”  
Was that worth it? Surely, it was nothing to truly be upset for. It was silly and what was sillier was how I dealt with it. A conversation surely would’ve done good to solve the argument and yet instead I hid myself away and closed off those doors. I could tell Changmin was taking in the sight of my figure, curled up in the corner of my bed. My head that was once rested on the headboard was now placed on top of my knees. The hoodie was the only physical thing that gave me comfort in the moment, not even a stuffed animal would do what this black, comfortable fabric could do.  
A hoodie designed by an artist that at one point brought more joy than I thought was possible. I bought it to feel closer to said artist, and now it was something that felt like home. Comfort, solitude, peace. Home.  
“You’re listening to your old choir music?” Changmin asked, approaching my bed with soft footsteps, ones that were hardly noticeable if not trained to percept them.  
I nodded, listening for the next song to start in the quiet of my bedroom.

_I am in need of music_

  


_I am in need of music that would flow_

“You miss it, don’t you?”  
I nodded as Changmin sat on the edge of my bed, “I’m not talented enough to be a solo singer, but when I make music with others, it's just magic. It’s like the world fades away into nothing and it's just purely music.”

_Over my fretful feeling fingertips_

  
__

__

__

_Over my bitter tainted, trembling lips_

“I remember you telling me that you listen to these songs when you cry or have anxiety. Is there anything I can do to help you?”  
I shook my head lightly, closing my eyes to absorb the pinging of piano notes swarming the room. I listened because regardless of the amount I’ve listened to these songs or rehearsed them myself, there was always something new. A new meaning, a new tone, a piano trill that sneaked past the ears unless you were searching for it. I was always searching, for something new out of the regular. For something beautiful from a tragedy.

_With melody, deep, clear, slow_

  
__

_With melody, deep, clear, and liquid slow_

  


_Oh, for the healing swaying, old and low_

  


_Of some song to rest the tired dead_

“If anything I just need sleep. Sleep always helps, but sleeping after all this is easier said than done.”  
“What helps you sleep?”  
“Comfort. But right now, I don’t have that.”  
“What comforts you?” Changmin asked, pulling the blankets of my bed off for me to slide under. It was warm under them, maybe too much with the hoodie added along, but I ignored the heat. Hiding under fabrics was the best way to feel like nothing could touch me. Not feeling, not issues, not the annoyances of daily life. Just fabric and comfort.  
“Others. Intimacy. The kind that makes you feel like you’re floating.”  
“May I?”  
I nodded. I needed it and I didn’t know how to ask for it.  
Changmin climbed under the covers with me, letting an arm slide underneath my neck to pull me into his chest. It was comfortable, being held like I mattered. I needed to be held and told it would be okay, even if he didn’t know what had happened. It didn’t have to be Changmin, but at the same time, I’m glad it was.

_A song to fall like water on my head_

  


_And over quivering limbs, dream flushed to glow_

_  
_

_There is a magic made by melody_

He felt like the embodiment of home. He teased, he pestered, he annoyed, but most of all he cared, he cherished, and he clung. He clung onto me like he was scared of losing me, and truthfully I was scared of losing him too. Why? I couldn’t tell you. 

_A spell of rest_

  


_A quiet breath_

Perhaps it was the way he liked cooking dinner with me. Perhaps it was the way his eyes sparkled without him even trying because regardless of the fact he felt all too much, even those loud feelings were hopeful. Somehow they were always hopeful because how can you pretend the pounding of your head doesn’t exist without hope. He was that for me without even trying.

_And cool heart, that sinks through fading colors deep_

  


_To the subaqueous stillness of the sea_

It was peaceful like this. I couldn’t worry when the presence of Changmin in my bed blocked me from the outside world. Our limbs were entangled together into perfect unison. A still from a polaroid picture. A harmony to the melody of life. It didn’t make sense why our puzzle pieces fit so well together, and yet things fell into place.

_And floats forever in a moon green pool_

  


_Held in the arms of rhythm and of sleep_

Drifting. Drifting. Gone.

__

_Sleep_


End file.
